Lately, I’ve been thinking of having another baby but that “thought” will just remain athought. Believe me, I love having a big family – each day is filled with love, happiness and lots and lots of headaches. (Well worth it headaches) however, after two miscarriages I fear the thought of pregnancy. I know it may sound foolish but, to me, four babies is enough babies. My son has begged for a brother and while I’d love to have another son, I think my body and mind are both drained. I’ve had someone ask me if I’d consider another child in the future. I honestly can’t answer that right now but, I really and truly believe that my family has been made. While I raise my four beautiful babies in a crazy filled world, I’ll wait for my siblings to have babies of their own ( I already have one beautiful niece!) that I can spoil and love. Four is enough & I will continue to love each of them more daily.
I have relatives that smoke, I have friends that smoke but, let me tell you..NOTHING pisses me off more than someone throwing their cigarette on the floor when they finish it. The cigarette is most likely, still lit – and smoke is in the air and it’s dangerous if it catches fire on a piece of paper or garbage. Today was the last straw. I don’t know what I’m going to do but as a Mother I am FURIOUS. Today- when walking by a Car sales shop, I noticed a guy smoking – I notice a lot of people smoking but I never really pay mind to it – but today was different. I noticed him not paying attention to the small side walk space that I had to pass with my kids and he would have to move or I would be in the street / danger area with the kids.. I noticed him look right at me, take one last drag of his cigarette – throw it and go back inside. NOW I have all the space I need, but..get this. I ALWAYS step on lit cigarettes when I spot them and I literally couldn’t find this one until I notice my daughter (strapped in the stroller) fidgeting and looking at her side saying “ouch..” yes, you guessed right, there was a lit cigarette in her stroller!!!!! Right on the side of her. I almost cried but the rage took me inside of the car shop screaming my head off on WHY you should put the cigarette OUT before throwing it. The man was extremely worried about my daughter and this incident could have been so much worse. Luckily I caught it in time and my child was AWAKE and not asleep at the moment. Luckily, I noticed the cigarette wasn’t on the ground. Luckily, this situation was controlled and not tragic. My daughter had a small red mark on her hand THANKFULLY that was all. I really hope and pray this man and others can pay attention to all of their surroundings and put the cigarette out before throwing it!!
“The importance may not seem significant now, but when something like this happens to you – it will mean everything.”
Someone once asked me if I’d trade mom life for freedom again. Now, in my mind I can’t help but question this “freedom”. I know I’m 26! and believe me, I know I have 4 kids. This is the life I chose – not the life that chose me. In the eyes of others I can only imagine how I look. “Ha! Look at that stay at home mom who swears she can make a living doing odd jobs and blogging….” “What does her fiancé do so they can afford to live in NYC?” “They must get government assistance…” “That mom has 4 kids with the same dad and they’re not married yet!?” I’ve heard it all; and truthfully, I don’t give not one single crap. I should have said “fuck” but, I’m a mom. I don’t curse! (sometimes 😉)
I really enjoy mom life – and to be completely open and honest, it’s not my kids who make this parenting thing difficult. It’s the people around me.. The feeling that I’m constantly doing something wrong, when I know I’m not, but I’m going based off of how other moms do it, or how my mom did it – how my mother in law says I should do it – how that one mom at the park who “has her shit together” does it. It’s a never ending competition and believe it or not, when you live how YOU want to live and not give a damn how people look at how YOU chose to raise YOUR kid(s) – you become at peace.
I learned growing up, bullying exists, I was a victim to it. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again..it’s not a joke and kids in school today who can’t read or write at a certain age are called out and frowned upon. Why? Why can’t a child learn to read at their own pace? Why must a child have to wear the newest shoes that just came out if he or she likes Payless shoes? I think that a lot of this “freedom” comes from within. A lot of us as parents compete. “My child can do….this….” “Really??! Well, my child can do…..that!!” Instead of rewarding your child for the things that they can do, I see a lot of parents spending time pointing out to their children the flaws and things they can’t do. “Ugh! You’re failing math again…” when they scored record breaking in writing. “My child has a speech delay…” AND? Your child will learn, maybe not as fast as another child but why compare when each and every child is different?
Look at me! I sound like I’m running for President for children., but seriously, I don’t think “freedom” has anything to do with being a parent. We chose this life man, and we chose how to raise our littles. If we spend more time with our kids, raising them with a fun, educational environment and stop letting people grade them for every single thing they do – like in high school a student can fail gym class and NOT graduate. I thought that was a joke, it’s not. We have to stop judging our own children and let them learn what they need to learn, in their own time. Society has put so much pressure on us that we fail to be ourselves. We look at others to define ourself. And while there may not be much “Freedom” as a Parent – not being a parent doesn’t always mean you’re free.