I am a Bad Parent

I am a Bad Parent

If you want to get better the first step is stepping forward, and admitting it. I am a bad parent. Don’t read this with sympathy and think I’m just being hard on myself. I have five children, and I think I’m blessed with the sweetest, most caring and loving children on the planet (regardless of how much craziness goes on in our home) they’re just perfect to me. Being that there’s five, it gets hard. I’m continuously with the baby and so I don’t give my big kids the love and attention that they deserve. By the time the baby naps and my toddler stops screaming and throwing tantrums I just want to sit down and have a bit of me time. They’ll come up to me and I will tell them to leave me be for a little while because, that’s what I feel I need. I’m wrong. They didn’t want to be here on this earth. I MADE THEM! I’m the creator in their life, I’m all they know and they need me as much as I need them. I feel like I’m a terrible person, I can’t even call myself a mom. Who am I to say I’m a mom when I don’t parent my kids? Depression. A sin that’s taken over my body years before today. I’m embarrassed to even speak on it. I’m not doing my job. They deserve the world and I’m not even giving them my time. My time here is limited, but they don’t ask for much. I think that beating myself up about it makes me fall deeper into depression, and with each birthday that passes it brings me to tears. I just want to stop time and make up for the wasted time that I never gave them. In some ways I’m glad I woke up to this now, because well, better late than never, but man if I could turn back time. Social media is the devil too, we’re so wrapped up with other people’s lives that we fail to see what’s in front of us. Laughing at the cute things another child does while your child does the same thing right in front of our face. I’m sorry I’m not perfect but I blame it all on technology. I mean, I CAN NOT be the only Parent that feels this way. It’s impossible. I’m working on this and, with that being said I think the phone needs a break. The phones are our enemy. Social media is an enemy. They should be used for calls and/or texts at most. This whole social media crap is draining us. Your phone battery is charged but your battery (YOU) is drained.. I think change is good and so I say goodbye to Instagram for now. My babies need me and as a parent I want to enjoy the moments with them without posting about it or having a phone in their face with each thing they do. I want to see it with my eyes, and not through a screen. The motherhood journey is amazing. I want to enjoy it. Thank you to everyone that was with me on my mommy blog journey and thank you for sticking by my craziness and my families craziness. We love and appreciate you guys so much! If you’d like to keep in touch, I love texts and phone calls. Message me and we’ll connect. XO

New Year, New Me

New Year, New Me

I think a lot people make “new year, new me” posts and it makes them feel good inside thinking that this year it’ll actually be “their year.” I’ve been saying it’s my year every year since 2017, and every year that’s passed since has been filled with false hopes and lies. It’s been a rough few years, and I think that finding god has helped me through it all. It’s made me see that this year won’t be my year, unless I wake up and make it my year. How can I expect change if I’m sitting around waiting for it? I need to get out there and make changes, serious changes. I need to meet new faces, visit new places. It will never be “my year” if I’m doing the same thing with the same people that drag me down. “Misery loves company.” It’s been said over and over, and I’m tired of it; with God but my side, this year IS my year, and it can be your year too! — if you truly want it. Find a way, and make it happen. 2020. The year it all began!